Crumble cake

I love that shit lately. Crumble top coffee cake.
But hey I’m depressed. I’ve been eating ferociously today and yesterday, in anticipation of upcoming social events. Both of which I ended up bailing on bec I felt too fat to go. Like I just shot myself in the foot: I knew I had two social things to go to, so I stressed that they’d see fat me and fat thunder thighs, so I kept eating more and more food (any food I could get my hands on, but also sugar stuff like choc chip muffins) and I didn’t work out yesterday or today… And just kept eating. And then I decided no way did I want to go out to the first one bec the guys would see my fat ass legs. And then the next morning I didn’t want to go to yoga before the girl is suuuper skinny and she would notice my fat assness. Fucking a.

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Yep those r the whale thighs. I store my fat in my thighs only and a little in my butt but I generally try to work that out, so it goes away pretty quick.

So I never stick to any diets, because I immediately think starving my body is unhealthy. And I think that binge eating IS healthy bec its all whole food, like Greek yogurt, apples, walnuts, cereal… Stuff that provides whole nutrients for my body. Its true, that’s what I’ve been believing. That its OK to binge eat, although I feel fat and my stomach protrudes out soo far after eating.
What do I do?

I thought of liquid only diet but my brother would notice. He always calls me out on talking unhealthily. The truth is I feel depressed bec I feel alone. I am not getting enough love in my life. So I eat. But anyway, I guess I can stop caring what ppl think and tell them hey I love you but I’m gonna do what I want and u do what u want, and don’t tell me what to do.

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Lolol

Sigh. I need serious help on having a consistent routine where I eat very little.

xo
AB