Not Chipper

Depressed and fat.
I ate a lot but i was depressed before that. Now my stomach is just past the point of bursting and it hurts its so full, and I still feel so alone.
I did try a bit, well actually I just contacted 4 of my friends and told them I felt down and sad and wondered why it was that I was feeling this way yet AGAIN (I was like this last night too). One said she was depressed too, while another said maybe I get my happiness from other people, and that’s why I feel down when I’m alone. Another said that she sometimes also feels unwanted and lonely, and it’s normal for everyone. And the one who used to be my closest best friend didn’t answer. I don’t expect much from her lately, her boyfriend is her life. And we are just different now. i’m trying to find myself now, and shes trying to be all about that monogamous life and have her bf be her world. And her bf’s family. It’s whatever.I still try w her though bec she still knows me best and I still feel the most fulfilled when spending time with her. Although lately I guess that’s changing.
Anyway, last night when i felt depressed i decided to take care of my happiness, and i went on Facebook messenger and saw i had a message from a guy i had met a few days earlier at this “authentic relationships” workshop. And so we messaged back and forth a little about our beliefs on sexuality and taboo topics, like being attracted to my sibling (yes, society condemns it, but i want to question everything society condemns, bec society is totally fear based and our rules make no sense). And then I said: hey, how about we hang out right now? And he said well okay fine, he’d have to put on some clothes on bec he was studying in the nude, but he was down! So I drove 40 minutes to his house and we hung out and had a deep convo on sex positions and life and relationships for 3 hours! It was good, and I felt filled up inside. Like we really just didn’t act fake or that we had our shit together. We just spoke about our problems and our past. Or he spoke mainly, but that’s what I wanted.
energy flow
But then today, I felt utterly alone and sort of worthless. I hung out with my mom for 1.5 hours, but there isnt much to say to her I feel like. She’s filled w stories about her dating life, but I don’t date so I don’t like hearing about her stories. And so she gets mad at me that I’m not supportive of every one of her highs and lows. Like get over yourself woman, I feel sooo alone right now and you don’t even notice, and you’ve NEVER noticed! I don’t expect people to read minds, but I know that I pick up on verbal and visual cues a lot, and even if I didn’t, I ALWAYS ask people about themselves constantly. With my Mom, she steamrolls right over the person she’s with and keeps talking about herself and her newest hookup and how she really likes him. Like ya, u say that about every guy. She literally has sex with about 3-7 men a week. Like it’s not fun for me to keep feigning interest in excitement in each one, and then feigning sadness when they disappear from her life. Like it’s just waaay too much emotion.

Anyway, yesterday, I took care of my happiness. Today, I didn’t, I ate instead. And felt even worse I think. And ran out of people to ask to hang out with. Altho in reality there is no shortage of people. We are SURROUNDED by people, and they all want to connect. They’re just scared to, and all pretending they’re happy. They’re not though.
I don’t like being around ppl who say their life is great. It makes me feel like they’re lying. I guess I can’t truly believe that someone’s life is actually so perfect that they don’t need any more connection or changes in their life.

I’ve been junk eating as soon as I get home from work and told myself it was ok bec it was just one meal a day but I saw today that I was 130! So I’m gaining if anything. Altho I look the same/ thinner in my stomach.
I just want to be alone and depressed for a week.

xo
AB

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Still Gaining

Now tonight I’m 129.2. Two pounds more than last night? Obvi our weight fluctuates a lot!
Logging my food daily for my nutrition class is def a lot of work, and the more I eat, the more I have to input, bec it doesn’t have any of my foods saved on the website. Let’s make it easier on myself next time and just not eat 🙂

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xo
AB

Juicing n Jobs

Hey pretty girls!

So today I made green juice in our juicer:

  • 2 romaine lettuce heads
  • 1 English cucumber
  • 3 stalks celery
  • a handful of kale leaves
  • 1 lemon
  • 1.5 inches of ginger
  • handful of mint leaves

It tastes sour and very healthy. I like drinking raw juice because it has live enzymes from the water inside the plants, and it gets into your body quickly and begins loosening toxins and fat that have been in your body for years!
Also love it because it makes me super regular haha I always have such a flat stomach when I juice and such energy too! Plus my skin glows and people actually compliment it

Me w my juice I made!

If you haven’t juiced before, just be aware that it will shock your system so at first there may be bloating or your skin may break out. These are just the newly loosened toxins trying to escape your system at last! They can be flushed out through your digestive system instead by eating raw foods and drinking a lot of water.
Anyway check out raw food diet on the internet and you’ll find out a lot! Maybe you’ll like it, maybe you won’t! Going just a few days without processed food (at my Mom’s place she doesn’t have anything that isn’t a fruit vegetable nut, or raisins) I genuinely crave fresh raw foods, and processed food looks dead to me. I mean it is dead, its usually brown or white, but vegetables and fruit are bright rainbow colors! I mean, they’re so much better to look at and enjoy!
Raw Foods Detox Diet Book
This book is what I first bought when I was looking into raw foods back in highschool and I still read it and refer back to it constantly!

I got off of raw foods eating because the juicing took some time (about 10-20 minutes including clean up), and I made up excuses for why I didn’t have the time. But somehow I have time for hours of Netflix and movies? Things that make me groggy afterwards? Yea, what an excuse!! I still love TV as much as the next person haha I’m not condemning it for the record. But I made time for that and not for my health and my energy, and now I’m making time for both! Actually right now it’s more about my energy and I haven’t watched TV in a week almost, but that’s fine, I don’t miss it toooooo much. Now I’ll probably go watch it after talking about it haha

Freelee the Banana Girl
Here’s a pic of Freelee the banana girl. I first found her on Instagram a few years ago. This is a picture of part of her countertop. Like she eats a TON of raw foods. Because that’s all that she eats, she can eat a lot of it. No more calorie counting!!

Before and After of Freelee
And here is her before and after’s. She’s got a lot of muscle now and I can honestly say I have that same problem haha which is funny because I never eat meat. So people ask me where I get my protein. Well idk but vegetables and fruit and whole grains MUST have it, because I’m so damnnnn muscular! Sorry I’m not a fan of bulkiness haha I love lean muscle though, I def do!

Okay so my real dilemma right now is that my seasonal job ended, and I didn’t replace it with a new one. I have been avoiding applying to places. Fear. But fear of what? Fear they won’t like me? Fear I’ll be awkward? Maybe a little of those, I’m not sure.
I mean I know I’m awesome (you’re all awesome, it’s not just me!), so yea I guess who wouldn’t want an awesome person to work with them!! With a lot of things in life, I find that thinking about them for too long prevents me from taking action. Jumping into action is what yields happiness and joy for me. You know, like walking into my brother’s room and telling him I love him. Without thinking about it, just doing it impulsively. It feels good, and I wouldn’t have done it if I’d given time to think about it…
So thinking isn’t always good!

I’ve been waffling with the idea of continuing to blog because it seems to take away from appreciating the present when I’m just reflecting back on the past and how my days have gone.
However I love reading other people’s posts so I’m gonna keep this for now!

Let me know how I can improve, or what interests you! I usually feel I’m just preaching to a silent and empty room!

xo
AB

Chocolate Chips and Cookies

Wow i am STILL having the problem of feeling the need to finish food items in the house. Because if I don’t, then no one will. (That’s my belief) And it will sit there for ever and get spoiled, or ignored, and what a waste of food!
>>Like who cares, right? Let the food sit there. If it gets spoiled, then it gets spoiled.
>But then I have to buy new food with my own money!
>>Well you’d have to buy new food eventually anyway…
Bickering voices in my head.
The biggest thing is when I make cookies. I always eat them all. Like way too many in one sitting/in one day. I never feel good about it. Sometimes I don’t feel depressed by it, I just feel full. So then the next time I want to bake, I tell myself, oh yea well it doesn’t always depress me, so I can make them again!

food
No. Seriously no one in my house likes food, so I could start making stuff only that I think they would want. If they don’t like food, then why would I make anything?

ALSO whenever my friends plan a hang out with me, I overthink it, worried that they’ll see my fat body in comparison to their tiny thin bodies, and so as a response, I overeat even more to numb my fears. So I pretty much make that fear a reality. Sounds like if I dissolve the fear, then I won’t make something so unwanted into a reality.
Okay let me talk myself through it:
I acknowledge that I feel fat in front of my friends. That’s okay. I am fatter than they are. That’s okay. I accept that. Now I’d like to transform this energy into useful energy. I’d like to be thin as well. Its okay if I am fat but it’s okay if I am skinny also. It’s okay. It is all okay.

Hmm I think i actually feel better now. At least that helps the mental health, if nothing else!

xo
AB

P.S. Thinspo for the post
thin

Am I Social Yet?

Waddup y’all sooo it’s been awhile!
With the exception of the depressing weekend where I first binge ate cookies and then spent the next two days sleeping so that I could avoid eating (with the help of some nice sleeping pills), life has otherwise been good! Life is only good when I socialize though. I’ve always walked around with these labels I put on myself as being “socially awkward” or “afraid of people”. (Hey as a child, I truly was afraid of saying hello to my own friends, unless they said it first).
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Aah yes, a pretty girl so alone and shy

But bec I felt I was antisocial, I often tried to convince myself that I preferred being alone to spending time with people. But when I actuallyyyy consciously observed myself and my moods… I’m always so DAMN happy after I spend time with my friends! Or after I have meaningful talks with strangers. Liiiike can’t ignore the signs, yo. I guess I’m not actually better when alone. I’m better when surrounded by people!

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Anddd with friends, don’t they look so much happier?!

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Or model friends, as the case may be. Who knew they were bests?

So my mom and I went to a meetup.com bonfire at the beach last night, it was a full moon bonfire, and it was the first time I’ve ever been to a meetup group! So I wanted to instinctively go for the cop-out in my head of: “yea I’m socially awkward, I won’t have fun at this”. I voiced this to my mom. She said, create a possibility for yourself at this meetup. What possibilities would you like to create for yourself here?
Oh my mom is so wise. Anyway, a possibility I could create could have been: I’d like to meet a stranger. Or I’d like to get someone’s number. Or I’d like to have a conversation with someone. But I stated getting afraid and just blocked these all out of my mind. But we kept walking up to the group, and after my mom said a few words to some people next to us, we decided to just stand there In the circle, and soon enough, people came up to us! The conversation was awkward and forced at first, but it was okay because I decided that I would allow the other people to carry the conversation for once. I wasn’t gonna be the damn entertainment of the night, like usual, I was gonna let them entertain me!!

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I ended up having a convo w a guy I actually thought was cute (until 2 minutes in when he asked me what type of car I have and if I share it with anyone, like maybe my mom for instance?) and we went in the ocean together at 9 at night! While this other random drunken guy in his like 50s held my shirt for me and watched us go in haha he was like just happy in his own drunken world. And the cute guy asked for my number, but i have to say he lost his cuteness because his face actually got scary looking when he smiled, it was like a weird forced smile. and the convo did not flow at all. It was aaaaalll pretty damn forced. Hmm maybe he hadn’t taken a shit in a while so he was like super uptight. Eek haha well there you have it folks!!

The night was a success though because I’ve never been sober and spoken to a new romantic interest. I’m always drunk and at a bar normally! Or drunk at the beach. So that was progress for me!
Oh also forgot to mention this girl randomly points at me and said that I was the smallest so they should pick me. The task was to lift me up and have me sit on someone’s shoulders so that I could tie a lantern to the top of the tent. They needed a light over the food tent and no one was tall enough to reach. So yea this big buff guy like put his head between my legs and lifted me up haha it was the scariest shit of my life like whaaa you’re putting your head in my crotch?! So I was shaking the whole time but it was a lot of teamwork. Oh here’s pics of the incident:

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Yesterday I ate not much. 2 cups Watermelon, 2 apples, 200 cals of cereal and a tall green tea latte with soy milk from Starbucks. Two chips w hummus on them and a slice of someone’s homemade pumpkin bread.
Today I ran a mile on the treadmill at an incline of 4.0, and biked 10 minutes on the stationary bike with a resistance of 8-9 the whole time.
Ate:
1/4 cup of fresh beet juice (25 cals)
about 1 cup of walnuts (650 cals)
About 1/2 cup of raisins (200 cals)
1 apple (80 cals)

And my abs are more pronounced now. Love eating healthy but even more importantly, I love people!! People are what make me feel complete. Not my weight. People.
Although in regards to my weight: I’ll post that tomorrow when I’m back at my dads and have a scale!
I LOVE YOU ALL!! ❤

xo
AB

Sickness as a Result of Starving

Today I was rlly sick, weird bec I’m neverr sick. Like severe migraine and such cramping in my back!
Yesterday I did some squats and things to work out my butt and quads, and these high intensity exercises really cramp up my muscles. Like the muscles roll up really tightly in the hamstrings, so today it was so tightly wound bec I never stretched I think, and it extended up through my back. I was bed ridden literally all day!! I even texted my mom to come and give me a massage, but she said it would take her a few hours and suggested Tylenol in the meantime. So after I popped that, I was feelin good! Btw, I understand why people get addicted to pain killers now! A nice numbing chill feeling.

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So I realized every time I extreme diet I get sick easily. My friends who forget to eat all the time, well they get sick a lot, and now I just realized perhaps if the body is not getting enough nutrients, then the immune system isn’t strong enough and there just isn’t enough energy to do the normal body processes. Like normally after I work out a lot, I consume bananas (just something that’s always in the house) and the potassium in those prevent muscle cramping. But now since IVe been eating nothing, I think my body’s been nutrient deficient, and therefore I have all these bizarre sicknesses suddenly. Idk if this interest you guys, but I find nutrition somewhat interesting!
Ate today:
1 banana (100)
2 apples (85×2= 170)
3/4 cup oatmeal w/ 1 tbsp brown sugar and 1 tbsp butter (350)
Evening:
Baked oatmeal chocolate chip cookies – 6 NOO idea how many cals

IDK who reads these posts and perhaps no one does, but I create the idea in my mind that a lot of people are reading this, so that holds me accountable. I don’t want to look bad in front of a lot of people, and I did promise that I would be honest with what I eat!

Thanks for being here ❤
xo
AB

Mia Problems

First of all. You’re awesome. And I love you.  I love you because you are a brilliant and wise soul living a human experience. And actually, I love you because love is what I stand for; I am a loving human being, who gives love.

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Courtney Love in in ’09
Too pale but not too skinny!

So omgomg I ate SO much yesterday/this morning. Pulled an all nighter after doing some college quizzes that were due online by midnight. I noticed when I haven’t looked at proana stuff for a week or two and then go back to it, I overeat a lot. And then diet. So I’m gonna stick to the second part.

Btw 2 months ago I got a FatBurner pill from this website of beauty and health products called “ItWorks!” Www.myitworks.com, and someone I know swears by their products. So if you agree to get one product every month for 3 months, then u can pay for the products at the cheaper price without paying for the membership price.

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Not showing my full face bec I’m being anonymous!

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Has caffeine and green tea extract in it.
So the FatBurner pill I don’t use that often bec it makes me hyper as shit haha but also because from prior experience to products w caffeine, my body builds up a tolerance super fast to where I need it every day just to not get headaches. So I use it every now and again after a meal. But if u guys want to lose weight, I think its effective just because it makes u: not hungry and makes u want to move. I’m not sure if it burns extra carbs just on its own, I sort of figured that was their advertising ploy bec its better to say “you’ll sit around and burn fat” than to say “you’re gonna want to move and run around like a wild maniac and you’ll stop eating, and that’s how you’ll burn the cals”. Bec the second slogan sounds, well, not so relaxing.

So here’s my new fave gum as of this past week:

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Its like a Spearmint flavor and lasts insanely long (I think)

So I’m trying this new thing where I have “integrity”, some lingo we learned in the Landmark Forum meaning when we say we’ll do something… we do it. I think you’re all quite smart and don’t actually have trouble w vocab words but I guess for me, I never had thought of what exactly that word meant.
So I like having integrity because I feel like I can rely on myself. I feel dependable. I feel responsible for what occurs in my life, and let me tell u, that feeling is awesome, and empowering! I mean we are all responsible for our own lives actually, but I never acted like I fully was responsible.

So this tangent was because I say I am not eating today so now I won’t eat!

I really am thankful to you for reading this and just for being in this community!!

xo
AB

Are We Good Enough to be Loved?

Although my page says that I’m loving my way to thin…. right now I’m hating myself to fat. All because I bought damn ice cream again, and now feel I must eat it all.
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Okay this picture scares the hell out of me. Sometimes fat girl pics are funny, but this gives me anxiety and like HOLY SHIT I CANNOT LOOK AT THIS ANYMORE. How do you girls feel when you see this pic?

Seriously I’ve been indulging and buying ice cream at the store. We normally rarely have sweets at the house. Like my whole childhood my Mom was hardcore anti sugar. But she’d buy sugar for herself and hide it in various places throughout the house. And scream bloody murder whenever my brothers and I would find it and eat some. Anyway, whenever I buy any sweets, I feel it is my job to eat all of them. Not in the same day, but certainly in the next 2 days, have healthy helpings of it. Even when I’m not craving it at all! Why is it that I feel I need to finish everything off? Especially every food item that I buy with my own money, I feel that I simply cannot “waste” it, so I always stuff my face, until the container is all gone. I don’t even leave leftovers.

I’m just depressed and unhappy. And no one is in my life to take on my moods, to handle them.. I have a best friend who has a busy life and lives with her boyfriend, they just moved 45 minutes away and I cannot afford the gas money to drive down to visit her, so I am entrapped at my Dad’s place, far away from her. And tbh I DON’T LIKE ONLY HAVING ONE BEST FRIEND. Like I make other girl friends but they’re all busy and work a ton and it just feels like no one has time for me. I haven’t spoken to my mom in a week which has been nice because being around her, I feel like I have to dim my inner light (she’s single and competes with me for guys, she dates guys my age).So it’s healthier for me to be far away from her, bec I feel suicidal if i’m around her too much.

Speaking of suicide, I noticed a lot of people’s blogs speak of depression and self hate mixed with ana, and I think I understand it. I think many people grew up thinking they’re not good enough, simply bec. parents mess up (not on purpose, they do the best they can) and they don’t show us enough love. Maybe they needed to be more affectionate and give us more kisses and hugs, maybe they needed to tell us more often “honey, you ARE good enough”, maybe they needed to be home more often and talk to us about our feelings so that we felt more important and valid and understood.
love self

But through compliments and praise, we do feel love. So perhaps as a child, strangers would praise us by saying “my you are so pretty”, or they tell your parents: “your daughter is so beautiful!” That compliment would make us feel good, a nice contrast to how we normally felt. So now we are still thinking deeper down: well I am not truly lovable…but people keep telling me I’m pretty, so that must mean that as long as I look pretty, then I can trick people into wanting me. I can get that love I so desperately need from people! I just need to stay pretty and skinny.
But if the prettiness fades, if  fat takes over, then our self worth goes to shit. it feels like: holy S, I lost my facade, now no one will want me now because they’ll see me for who I really am, which is that I’m not good enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

pretty

All this stuff I just wrote, disclaimer, I’m not this wise, I learned this from a, let’s call him a life coach, who is a friend of my Mom’s. He took a course on dissolving unhealthy beliefs, and taught me about our false beliefs -how they create our reality, and that we perceive everything based upon our belief systems. It just made sense to me, although at first I didn’t like what I was hearing. I didn’t realize that I truly didn’t think I was lovable or good enough – until I thought about it for a few weeks, and realized it was true. The reason why I won’t let strangers close to me, why I avoid people if I eat a lot, why I am TERRIFIED of dating anyone…. because deep down, I don’t think I am lovable as I am. I believe I am not lovable, and so I’ve been creating this reality, where no one loves me. Because I don’t allow them to.

This life coach also tried to tell me that I am perfect AS I AM, and we are all perfect as we are. The pursuit of an unreal physical perfection or perfection in our jobs, etc…. it isn’t necessary, because how we are right now, in this moment, is perfect. Everyone fat or skinny, is perfect. (We were working on that particular concept bec that was one of my belief systems, and still is, that I believe I must be perfect in order for people to like me, or love me). So he told me I am good enough right now, as I am… but it is EASIER EFFING SAID THAN DONE. Or in this case, easier said than believed!
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Okay seriously I was feeling a lot worse than I even let on in this post, but don’t want to bore you all. I just like feel like I quickly lose motivation to be thin, and it feels like the SLIGHTEST thing shifts my routine, so I don’t ever have a set schedule, therefore I get off track so easy. Like every time I hang out w my youngest brother or with my best friend, I am filled with happiness again and then I decide to eat a lot while with them. They don’t necessarily eat much, I always eat the most. It’s like I’m eating my joy. I could just not eat, but in the moment I’m always like who gives an F about restricting, I just am feeling LOVE right now, and that’s all I want, so I’m gonna immerse myself in the love.

I often despise being needy, but I also often find it funny that I am needy, and will text my friends I miss you I need you where da heeelllll are you?! And I know they find it funny and endearing, bec it makes them feel wanted, and important. But friendship cannot replace romance. Unless I tried to pursue a relationship w my friends. And no I’m too scared to try that haha i feel that my best friend and I are on the same wavelength and have been since we met 10 years ago, but we were both born as girls so either that means I’m meant to cross that bridge and do the unthinkable and be bi, or that we are destined to have a lasting friendship. Who knows, I think we create our own destiny constantly. So if I wanted to make it bi, then I could. She’d be down probably, she’s a super sexual person. But if I want to keep it in the safe zone, I can do that too. It is fun kissing girls, I do it a lot at bars, esp to get guy’s attention bec they freaking fall all over themselves to watch. And girls are good kissers, and they’re not aggressive and certainly don’t grope me like guys ALWAYS do!  But anyway, see told you, that I would diverge.
girlsss
And also curious how this pic makes everyone feel?

From a psych textbook I had in college, a research study showed that girls get turned on by all photos and videos that are sexual, whether its guy on guy, guy on girl, or girl on girl! Interesting.
Sexually experimenting is something I want to do at this point in my life, I’ve just been holding back a lot. I’ve always been hardcore straight and only into buff blonde guys with blue eyes, and they cannot be taller than 6′-0. Although I am still freaking type A about what kind of guys I’m into, it feels safe to explore with girls, any type of girl, bec girls won’t hurt me. Maybe bec I’m not truly that into them, so I’m not worried about rejection, like it wouldn’t hurt me much if they denied me. I also think that the reasoning behind why we do stuff isn’t always important, let’s just try something because it awakes a curiosity in us. I think life is playful and I just want to partake in it. No fear PLEASEEE.

Anyway, motivation tips please?!!!!!!!! It’s not so hard to diet if I avoid all people, but i WORK EVERY EFFING DAY at a job that I hate simply bec it’s sooo unstimulating. But anyway, so I can’t stay locked away in my room, so dieting is more challenging. I think I’m coming up with a million excuses. Someone please stop this rant. I’m ridiculous.

COMMENT GAAALLLLSSSS I love your posts! 

CW: 124.5

GW1: 120 *CHANGED IT SO I CAN AT LEAST ACCOMPLISH ONE SOON

GW2: 115

GW3: 110

xo AB

Fattttt

So today I went to the beach after work, my dads house is a few blocks from it so I went by myself and splashed aroind in the waves for 10 minutes. It was marvelous! Every time those waves hit me, the smile I get just lights up my face!

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I took this pic today!

So I felt the most in shape of the other women @ the beach, but that’s because they’re older/have had children already so they have an excuse. I’m still 23 and just like to eat when bored lolz.

Anyway, came home and decided well why not just eat junk food. I’m not sure why exactly I wanted to start, I think I felt some shame of my thghs walking around in a swimsuit, so I fed that shame with more food, bec I use food as a numbing mechanism sometimes.. So I binged on a cup of ice cream, chocolate chips and quesadillas. But I don’t purge because that, I’ve noticed, makes me feel utterly worthless for up to two weeks after. Just binge.

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So either way I wasn’t gonna even write it on here bec I’m ashamed, and it’s super easy for me to feel like I have some sort of image to keep up… I write on here like how I text my friends, with the same honesty. But I’m not THIS honest w my friends when it brings me serious shame.
Bingeing = shame

But I love you guys and truly don’t want to hide myself. I’m trying to remain transparent like Scotch tape.

How do u guys prevent emotional eating?!

xo AB

Hair Falling Out?! Here’s my Cure :)

Hair

Hey y’all so I’ve had this issue where my hair falls out and it’s been doing this for like 4 years… I always eat super healthy but I’m vegetarian so apparently don’t get the protein needed to make Keratin, which is 90% of what our hair is made up of I guess. My hair dresser has been getting on my case and had me sign up for hair skin and nail vitamins from ItWorks!, this website that has diet vitamins and shit.

So it hasn’t made a difference so far and it’s been a month… so I took matters into my own hands and looked up how to naturally build up Keratin. Because as I’ve often heard, the vitamin business is the biggest scam. Our bodies can’t really absorb what’s in pill form so well. So I found that the combo of Vitamin C and protein eaten together is what will both put keratin in your body, and break it down for your body to use. Apparently broccoli, kale, and brussel sprouts have a lot of Vitamin C, as well as soymilk. As for protein, I hard boil eggs, but dairy products like yogurt and cottage cheese also work well.

Broccoli
So today for dinner I steamed 2 heads of broccoli, put lemon on it, and hard boiled 3 eggs. OMGGG THE BROCCOLI TASTES AMAZING. I couldn’t get enough!! I just realized that although I considered myself organic and healthy and shit, it’s super easy to forget to eat vegetables aside from the lettuce in salad. I guess my body really was craving that broccoli. Imma have to buy more tomorrow…

Apparently one full head of broccoli = 98 cals, but I threw away the stalk, which makes up almost half the calories. Both the stalk and the florets are equally nutritious I guess.

So fairly low cal and it’s filled with vitamins which is important because I don’t want to have sallow skin or go bald just bec I’m losing weight!

And for a nice laugh for you all, if anyone has seen White Chicks, this scene is hilarious but also reminds me of Ana, and in the end of the day, I actually hope I don’t see myself so falsely as she does!

xo AB