So Sunday night was my first lesbian experience! I went out with my bi friend and her girlfriend (who is 11 years older than us and literally is a hotter version of Alex Voss from Orange is the New Black) and we went to the gay bars and in the back of my mind, I was down for a threesome. Seeing as I’ve never had a 3some, ever, it certainly wasn’t old hat. But i think our natural sexuality is understood deep within us, and it’s in every one of us, and is revealed when we set aside fear and judgement. So since I was raised by a Mom who LOVES sex and is bi, I have no sex shame. I mean, i do have sex shame from society, but like I don’t feel guilty when I’m wild and sexually exploratory, because I don’t feel I’m breaking any rules. Like, I know in the back of my head that my parents would be okay with it. And that’s what helps to set me free!
So yea I went down on both of them just to see what it was like, and they both came like super fast haha
They were like amazed that I was so good and I was also amazed that I was so effective. Like I just kept asking wait are you for real? You actually like got off? I think I understand it because with my boyfriend (who I am no longer with, he passed away a little over a year ago) he would explore my body and then tell me what he figured out. Like how he figured out what parts of me turned me on when he touched them or licked them, like nibbling on my ear, or touching.sucking my nipples, etc. He was so advanced in every which way: mentally, socially, sexually… he was just a divine being. He figured things out quickly, like he came into the knowing much quicker than most others. I feel blessed to have been with him.
But the way that he went down on ME, and how he informed me of how my body worked… well I used that knowledge with these girls.
It was kind of funny because my bi friend has been my friend since mid high school, so we’ve been friends like 7ish years, and now I’ve made her cum hahahaha like what on earth. But when my mind starts to drift to that place of like judgement, I bring it back to the experience and the feeling. And forget what society would say or judge. Judgments don’t serve anyone. They cram people down.
I don’t care what a normal “friendship” is supposed to be. I’m not gonna google it either. It’s all opinion, based upon fear. I want to express love however I feel like!
This friend I don’t have sexual attraction to, she’s just fun and sweet and non judgmental. And so it was a learning experience for me more than anything, and for her also. Her gf got off to me just giving her a lap dance too haha, so then I had to teach my friend how to best give her gf a lap dance. I felt so powerful for a moment like wow I really am GOOD at sexuality! And I think we all are, if we feel safe in doing it.
Oh so her gf is just lesbian, not bi,, and she has sex like a guy! Like literally bangs herself against you, even though she has no dick. I was kind of laughing like what, how does this work for you! My mind wandered to the possiblity that she ought to have been born as a guy, like perhaps there was a mess up or something. Because her body is JUST like that of a lean built guy also. And she is suuuper horny and gets off very quickly, and also very messy and just asks her gf to organize everything for her, but in a sweet way, like she seems very much lost without my friend. It was all very endearing. Like I felt like she was a guy. It didn’t feel weird to see two nude girls in bed. It was all very natural.
Apparently the movie Spring Breakers has a 3some with Ashley Benson (good for her!) here’s a pic from it
Anyway, yea, so the next day I asked her if we should tell our friend group. She said she’s not gonna like seek out to tell them, but if they ask, then she’ll tell them. And she asked if that was okay.
I told her at first that I wasn’t sure that I wanted them to know everything. But she helped me to realize that our friends will love us for who we are and accept us for who we are, and if they don’t, then they’ll leave, and that is perfectly okay. Because I’m being AUTHENTIC.
This whole time, I’ve been creating this image for my friends, and allowing them to love that IMAGE of me, instead of all of me. But it’s not real love or friendship if I don’t expose all of me to them. I mean, it probably won’t affect my friendship with them at all, from their perspective they’ll still see me the same, but from MY perspective, I’ll feel better, like I’ll know that I’m being authentic and honest with everyone about who I am, and I’ll know for sure that they love all of me. Not a false projected image of me.