Fatty Out of Control – Make Way!

Okay whyyy have i been eating everything sight today?!
I often do this when there’s a social outing coming up that I have anxiety towards. I have anxiety towards many social events tbh, but esp. ones where I know I’ll have to show my body.
On Sat is a pool party for my mom’s bday and Sunday is another girls bday party, and we’re going to a nudist beach. Like all of these possibilities for them to see the thunder thighs just panics me, and so then I eat. But its all a subconscious thing. Like I have to think about it, mid-face stuffing, why it is that I’m eating so much, and then I realized its probably the anxiety over the upcoming possibility of showing my body.
This is an issue where I predict the future, accept my prediction as a fact, and allow that to affect my present happiness. I don’t actually know what will happen at the beach. I don’t know if I’ll end up taking off any clothes, I don’t know that I’ll be perceived as fat or as skinny. I don’t know that my body will even be looked at! But its sooo ingrained in my head that my thighs is all my friends will look at…

image

Eeeek that’s my fear. And then they’ll whisper to each other omg shes gained weight! Shes not like us.

I have that body type where I only gain weight in my thighs. I’m tired of trying to hide them, but its also become a habit to try and hide the legs. So I habitually avoid three fourths of my clothing. I haven’t even imagined myself wearing the skinny size 2 pants. Maybe I can imagine it though. Hmm one minute.
Okay how about my red pants that I’ve worn maybe two times in total.

image

Yea that’s pretty thin. I could do it if I just juiced and ate fruit and cooked vegetables only. No cereal and cheeses and nuts and yogurt.
Hmmm.
So yesterday I was 124 and today I’m just a cow so I don’t knowww
Gaaaaah
CW:125?
GW1:120
GW2: 116

See some days I’m a life coach and other days I’m like FML SOMEBODY HELP MEEE
Post your CW and GW and your opinions pleeeaasseee!
I want support, can I have it?!

xo
AB

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Fatty Out of Control – Make Way!

  1. I think the fact that you can go to a nudist beach at all is bloody amazing!! I couldn’t ever dream of doing that, even if the result of my current raw food diet extends out magically enough to make me believe that I’m good looking enough for a date, let alone a nudist beach!

    You realize what you do and when you do it and can associate it with why, so I think the battle is almost over. What to do about it? I can’t advise there I am sorry πŸ™‚ Maybe back off the caffeine or anything that would add to the anxiety during that period and if you need some food that is still healthy but decent, smash some of that. Try blending banana, dates, add a little vanilla and hemp seeds too. Very yummy.

    In any case, I am positive you are fine and when people look at you I’m sure they will only say, god damn I wish that was me! Stay strong and healthy and keep up the good work!

    Like

    1. Awe that’s really sweet! I feel the battle is almost over too actually!!
      BTW banana date shakes are my favorite!! For me i freeze the bananas beforehand and use almond milk or coconut milk in the shake… Tastes like ice cream!!
      So after writing this, and realizing j was forecasting a future that I didn’t even know was true, I feel freer. But its something I need to remind myself of every now and again I think!
      Thanks for reading!
      Xo
      AB

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am here to support you, dear! I guess the only advice I have to give is that even if you are not at the weight you want right now, you ARE working for it, and fuck all if you will not get there and STAY there for next beach season. I was feeling pretty down about myself for staying so fat over the summer, but you know what? I will blow them out of the fucking water next year. I will get there, and SO WILL YOU. ❀

    Like

      1. I so understand your eating wen a social event comes up my birthday is in 2 weeks and I’m nervous about it so I gained yikes! I have 2weeks to get down down to size . I will stay strong, we can do it!!!

        CW:113
        GW1: 107
        GW2: 102
        Goal 99

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s