Note of ThanksSo first I want to say how much i appreciate you girls, and the wonderful support network you give!! I seriously love this community, it makes me feel super a part of something and not alone! My friends simply would NOT understand my food situations, but you girls do!
Is There Such Thing as a Trigger?
So after the group BBQ which surprisingly I got away with eating not much… I decided to go to the gym for a quick swim before coming home. It was actually suuuper refreshing I only swam like 5-10 laps (i count a lap as there and back), and showered there. Then I came home and saw pizza that my Dad had left out for whoever wanted it – and I decided to eat more. *sigh* However, it felt like I was very much aware of what I was doing. Like I didn’t feel out of control, it was just like oh hey there’s pizza here, I’ll have a slice. Or two. And eat it slowly. And then some ice cream sundae after. And then Cinnamon Life cereal with some melted chocolate on it. haha oh noooo, reading this, maybe I am creating an illusion in my head that I was in control! Okay I said I would be honest so now I’m being honest! Wow this is really hard for me to just admit it all.
So yea like in retrospect not the healthiest to eat it all, but I’m trying to not freak out on myself. Because from prior experience, if I freaked out that I ate all that, then I would immediately hate myself and feel suicidal. So at least today I’m not suicidal lolz. Not happy with the food I ate but also I thiiink I will be okay, ESPECIALLY because of the wonderful support network you guys give me!!
The whole trigger thing is interesting though. Many say oh shiiiit I started eating and now I simply cannot stop! But we can all stop. Proof: if you can’t stop, then you’d be on a straight eating binge for years, no sleep, no breaks…. So eventually we always stop! For me, I think eating at the BBQ lowered the barrier between me and food, so it made it easier for me to begin eating more. But it was not out of my control! So I didn’t even finish the Chex with chocolate because I was okay with the eating, and not hating myself for it. Being OKAY with it made it super easy to stop part way through.
I think what also helped me stop is that i ate slowly and just checked in with myself like okay this is what I’m doing right now, be aware that I am eating all this junk and be aware of WHY I am eating it. Sooooo I try not to feel that there are any “triggers” because that’s like saying that everything is out of your control, and ANY and EVERYthing can cause you to relapse! Eating disorders aside, all disorders have common themes in them. Skin picking, alcoholism, drug use, etc… all have “triggers”. I personally don’t want to spend my life dancing around a mine field of triggers, with fear that I’ll accidentally step on one and then internally blow up! Like that’s no way to live, living in fear?!
I’ve read that the opposite of fear is love. So if we’re not doing something out of love, then we’re doing it out of fear. Well yea, I’m trying not to live in fear.
Easier said than done y’all. ESPECIALLY WHEN I LOOK AT THAT SCALE OMG FEAR FEAR FEAR. NO LOVE THERE!
What are your thoughts cuties?! I’m just a preacher with not much experience, I bet you all know far more about this than I do! Write your CW & GW also if u have one 🙂